| the end is the beginning |
[13 May 2004|11:02am] |
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the sound of the internet imploding upon itself |
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and now i would like to say simply that this is going to become a dead journal. i'm not coming back to it. i hate livejournal and all it entails.
for so long it was almost an elite society of people with no lives that can't even make the mundane interesting.
how many journal entries must there be on the internet containing the entire lyrics to three songs with strategic bits underlined and bolded, and nothing else, not even an explaination of WHY THOSE LYRICS ARE IMPORTANT before it becomes a black hole, implodes upon itself and takes all of us with it?
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[27 Mar 2004|07:56pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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okay so by now very few people if any, read this. and that's fine, as it is usually just a place i rant things when i can't rationalize them with the little people that reside in my brain that fight the imps and make me hallucinate and daydream and all that lovely stuff. (some people dont get along with their little mind people, i however get along with them smashingly)
where was i? oh yeah, but those few of you that ARE still wandering about, may be directed to a post from a few months back pertaining to what the world is made of, specifically the explanation about black death goo.
i had an epiphany of sorts (and yes i know that epiphany is one of the many words i throw around way to liberally) about black death goo as a substance.
it comes in different shades.
all are you know, shades of black and grey. but it still comes in different shades.
and i think i may know why.
you see the black stuff you've got inside also indicates your capacity to deal.
and by that i mean with everything. it's like a graph, you just need to learn how to read it.
the amount of goo indicates how much energy you as a person, have. so when you're ill, or drained, you dont have much. So the more goo you have, the healthier you'll be.
the clarity or opacity shows how much stress you can handle, or are currently under. if it's clear and see through, you can handle quite alot of stress. the cloudier it appears, the less stress you can handle.
and if it goes completely opaque i'm sorry to say you may be totally fucked.
and the last thing i've discovered so far about the death goo, is the colour itself.
like i said, it's still a shade of black or grey.
the darker the shade, the more you can handle. now this isnt to say that if you have midnight black death goo, and your grandmother dies, you wont show emotion (unless she was a cold hearted bitch, or you never really knew her or the obvious exceptions to the rule)
it just means that you're more, accepting. you dont flinch easily when stuff goes wrong. that sort of thing. and it goes right on to the point where the black goo almost looks white.
if it gets to that point you have little to no concept of anything going on around you.
just thought maybe you'd want to know.
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| too much free time and not enough distractions |
[26 Mar 2004|01:09pm] |
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 artistic |
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music |
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ill mitch - fast and danger |
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does anyone know what it means when you get random bits of sounds stuck on continuous loop in your brain?
i have a whole bunch. i think maybe it's my brain's way of saying i need to get some kind electronic device to just randomly mix snatches of sound together. you never know. it could work. i came to the realization last night that every skinny puppy song i've ever heard was just random samples stitched together with growling over them. all i need is some sort of sound mixing equipment and i can make my own damned industrial album. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
okay so it's probably never going to happen but it still sounds like fun. i'm going to go look for some more shiney distraction like substances now.
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| the anti-religious rant |
[01 Mar 2004|10:57am] |
okay so i have a really important question for all of you.
why do devoutly religious people feel the need to cram religion down my throat every day?
also, why do christians assume that anyone that is "anti-christian" is a satanist? just because i am against christianity and all it stands for, does not mean i'm a satan worshipper. see i'd have to be a christian to believe in satan, so how could i worship him?
today i got stopped walking to school by a jehovah's witness. but it wasnt just a normal passing in the street thing. THEY WERE IN A CAR. they pulled over, and then this old lady jumped out and chased after me waving this pamphlet, and then she wouldnt leave me alone until i took it. and then she got back in the car and they drove away.
i fear for my sanity if these events continue.
maybe if i indulge in as much sacriligious behaviour as physically possible, it will unbalance the forces of the universe just enough to let me escape through some kind of temporal back door.
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| quasi-genius, the brilliant hunchback |
[13 Feb 2004|12:57pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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the nobodies - marilyn manson |
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okay so i just took one of the example tests on the MENSA website. i got my results, and while not conclusive in any way (you have to pay to take the actual test instead of the made up ones they have online filled with random questions) i am apparently "almost" a genius, or a "low level" genius. that's like saying sour milk is "low quality" cheese.
either it is or it isnt. pick one. you cant have both.
Gah!
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| also |
[10 Feb 2004|09:03am] |
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and yes i know my journal's colours look like something malignant and disgusting. that was the idea.
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| glaciation of all walkways avenues pathways sidewalks roads lanes etc. is a pain in the ass |
[10 Feb 2004|08:36am] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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music |
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milla jovovich - the divine comedy |
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so i had to walk to school, and it was really really not fun.
on a lighter note, i got to talk to Diana on the phone for a semi-long time last night, and it was fun. also, had cupcakes. mmmm frosting.
yesterday i found a cd that i didnt think i'd ever find. i bet you didnt know milla jovovich released an album here in canada and in europe before she became a super model.
you know how some artists release an album or two and then release an art like concept album?
well by the sounds of it, she skipped straight to the concept album. it's strange and folky and the lyrics are odd. i love it. it's the best thing i've ever gotten for ten bucks (aside from some small bits of things that clutter my pockets on a daily bases) after the lenore doll keychain i got as a gift....
and maybe the batman pez dispenser. but that's it.
in my civilizations class we had to answer the question, what is the world made of?
pain, cheese and black death goo.
Diana will probably kill me for posting this, as it is proof that we are both a little, off, but i'm explaining the black death goo.
everyone is filled with it. it's the thing that your life's essence lives in. it's what makes happiness and love and that tingly feeling when your various limbs fall asleep or go numb (among other reasons };-{) ) and yes that is an evil winking smiley man.
it also tastes like black raspberry jello.
and has the consistancy of pudding.
so why is it called death goo?
because if you see it someone is dead, because if it comes out, you die.
and black because, well, it's black. as in colourless.
so yeah.
did you know that spanglish in an official language?
it isnt but i think it should be.
franglais is, in canada anyway. our leader spoke it for 10 years and confused everybody.
so why isnt spanglish?
"the apathy of despair..." - Macaulay
i think that's an interesting quote...
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[06 Feb 2004|11:40pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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the drone of the computer punctuated by occasional meows |
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darkness welling deep inside
swathing memories in gray
a razor kiss stings at my eyes
scratched out so quick there is no pain
and blind i stumble through my life
unsure of what may lie ahead
the path it twists and turns before
i do not know where i am led
and now the ether burns so bright
like sulpherous lights upon a stage
and dancing spots behind my eyes
make all the world
cease to stay
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| not updating your journal, it's a good thing |
[31 Jan 2004|03:27pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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things that inspire the writting |
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this is mostly just a pathetic attempt at explaining why i never update this thing, and probably wont for some time. you see i dont get much of a chance too, and now my precious precious computer time is going to be used for the writting of a story, none of which will be posted here, unless there are actually enough of you that read this and you all bug me until i crack (if you make a sad kitty face at me for more than 10 minutes, you can most assuredly bet i will). off to go type until my fingers go numb. ta!
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| mother goose goes well with cranberry sauce.... |
[23 Jan 2004|09:05am] |
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mood |
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numb |
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silence- ringing in my ears |
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all around the mulberry bush
so immensely bored with life.
the monkey chased the weasel
i want something to excite me.
the monkey thought twas all in fun
the one thing in life that interests me for more than 5 minutes at a time
pop goes the weasel
lives over 700 kilometers away.
a penny for a spool of thread
i think it's more in miles
a penny for a needle
so i use the measurement that is smaller
that's the way the money goes
that way it feels like she's closer.
pop goes the weasel
have you ever had really stupid nursery rhymes
up and down the city road
stuck in your head?
in and out of the eagle
it doesnt stop
that's the way the money goes
it just keeps going round and round
pop goes the weasel
never ending
half a pound of tuppenny rice
round and round
half a pound of treacle
faster and faster
mix it up and make it nice
until it blurs together
pop goes the weasel
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[20 Jan 2004|12:44pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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sweet dreams - marilyn manson |
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exams start thursday. this means of the 5 days they are on i get to do nothing on 3 of them. it's like a mini holiday. i feel special. so today is the ten month mark of the most meaningful relationship i've ever been in. i'm not sure what i want to do for Di, but i want to do something nice for her. i tried writting some poetry for her, but it all doesnt seem good enough.
falling silver
falling gold
falling dreams
of lives untold
caught in the
arms of an angel
palms open and upward
outstretched
that cold marble face
frozen
eternally into a smile.
lost amid the ether
swirling fog of memory
faintly whispered promises
that have all since ceased to be
yeah, that second one isnt finished yet. dont really know how to end it. anybody who bothers to read this thing, if you've got comments or some other such nonsense leave them, i'll get back to you eventually.
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[19 Jan 2004|01:41pm] |
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depressed |
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the scary conversation of the people next to me |
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things written in orange text are interesting to look at.
as are things in blue.
it's blue. like me. i'm sad. for more reasons than one. but the biggest one is that i know i'm not going to get to see the one person in the world i miss more than anyone else for another 8 months at the earliest.
it's snowing again. i hate snow. alot.
go me, with my ability to write sentences containing single words. i'm really not that happy about that. can you tell?
if one more person today, looks at me and says "so you're a lesbian, how's that going for you?"
i swear to all the deities i have ever held holy, my answer will be "well you're a moron and you seem to be doing alright, so i guess that means i'm fairly well off."
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| shiney things are only shiney in the light |
[15 Jan 2004|03:43pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
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music |
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electric 6 - high voltage |
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yes i know, simple things amuse simple minds and i'm easily distracted by bright shiney things and anything that's colourful.
Danger! High Voltage!
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| the things i didnt get to say earlier...... |
[13 Jan 2004|02:14pm] |
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blank |
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crazy french pop music - Mylene Farmer |
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.....of the soul sucking variety.
kill me.
please.
i beg of you.
day in day out same old monotony.
when i DO get to do something different, i get in trouble. is everyone THAT against adventure?
i'm amazed that anything is ever written, that "reality" tv hasnt engulfed the airwaves completely,
(those of us that are not driven to being the next contestants on "who wants to be a cracked out zombie and marry a dog while skydiving without a parachute, to win a million dollars if you beat the rest of the wedding party's times to hit the ground, but only if you pretend to be gay while the dog gets drunk and throws up on the camera, while your best friend who is a transvestite midget i'm sorry "little person" albino starts a bitch fight with your cousin for having an affair with his aunt's brother in law's dentists room-mate, because he stole her "man".
we the few cling to the discovery channel and A&E, for there is solace in the acting of angela lansbury and that bastion of good taste known as "shark week")
and that movies are still made that aren't entirely pointless drivel, pushed upon us by bubblegum pop princesses is an enigma in itself, since it seems that any thought of creativity and self expression is something to be squashed. extinguished before it has the chance to grow into something worthwhile.
and then it's remnants are taken, and cloned hopelessly so that all the originality is bled from it and it becomes a bleached out sanitized husk of what it once was.
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| i'm back, dont ask why |
[13 Jan 2004|09:45am] |
i'm bored.
i'm excrutiatingly bored.
it's not a normal boredom.
it's a mind numbing, emotion killing, pure, boredom.
the kind that people mean when they say they're dying of boredom.
what a way to go.
i can just imagine the guys at the morgue having a field day with that one.
"how did she die? terminal illness?"
"no"
"horrible motor vehicle accident?"
"no"
"bled out after having all limbs severed by a chainsaw weilding maniac?"
"no"
"well then what was it?"
"she died of boredom."
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| lumbering jack made a surprisingly good ballerina |
[17 Dec 2003|02:20pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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background noise of the school library |
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go me i finally cracked and got one of these things.
so here you go. a place to see the pointless things i do on a daily basis.
so there you go.
sorry if i dont seem excited.......
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